“Fuck SNL and the whole cast/Tell ’em Yeezy said they can kiss my whole ass/More specifically, my asshole/I’m an asshole?/You [offensive word] got jooookes!”
Kanye, darling…thanks for clarifying exactly what part of your ass they can kiss, but NO THANKS. And I’m truly sorry that you were the bud of a hilarious joke, but that’s just what happens when you diss Taylor Swift!
My favorite part of SNL is the Weekend Update and Really!?!? with Seth and Amy. So, I’ve decided to do my own Really!?!? The topic? None other than Bill O’Reilly (I couldn’t resist…it’s just too easy).
Now, I don’t have my own SNL writers, so keep your expectations low. Anyway, here goes nothing!
Bill O’Reilly recently criticized the media for calling Anders Behring Breivik a Christian, claiming that “we can find no evidence, none, that this killer practiced Christianity in any way”.
So his 1500-page manifesto where he refers to himself as Christian and the YouTube video he released which pays tribute to Christian crusaders is just meaningless garble? Nawww, let’s just overlook that!
O’Reilly reasons that Breivik is not actually Christian by saying that anyone who truly believes in Jesus would not commit mass murder. Well clearly, if you follow the Christian faith correctly you will not slaughter dozens of people. But you see, we have a term for this type of situation: Christian extremist. You know, kind of like how the terrorists who attacked us on 9/11 were Muslim extremists? It’s a similar thing.
But O’Reilly bashes the New York Times for calling Breivik a “Christian extremist”, saying that “the left wants you to believe that fundamentalists Christians are a threat just like crazy jihadists are”.
The guy killed 92 people. If that’s not a threat, then I don’t know what is. O’Reilly continued by saying that the media “is pushing the Christian angle [because] they don’t like Christians very much because we are too judgmental”.
Right, it has nothing at all to do with the fact that Breivik’s ultimate goal is to halt the spread of Islam, and therefore, religion has a heck of a lot to do with this whole situation. O’Reilly, that’s like saying that the only reason the media talked about Amy Winehouse’s drug addiction is because they’re trying to make drug users LOOK BAD.
And anyway O’Reilly, should you really be dwelling on this supposed “persecution of Christians”? Come on, 92 people died horrifically in Norway! Many of them were children!! This is the first time in the modern era that a lone gunman has carried out an attack of this scale. You should be focusing on that!!! But no, you’re going to be self-absorbed and get riled up over the fact that the liberal media is once again out to attack good Christians like you???