True Love 101 with Professor Hugh Hefner

Posted on June 30, 2011

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There are certain things that give us hope in true love. The Notebook, for example. Or an adorable elderly couple who hold hands wherever they go. Or a bouquet of roses from a secret admirer.

OR….Hugh Hefner.

That’s right, our favorite ladies man recently got engaged to Anna Sophia Berglund, also known as Miss January 2011. This is happening not long at all after his devastating break up with Crystal Harris. You go, Hef!

Hef will not make the same mistake either. This time, he’s going for a much more mature woman. Anna is a whole 24 days older than Crystal, and therefore has loads more life experience. A man as old (did I say old? I meant…wise) as Hef needs a woman who can keep up with him on an intellectual level. I think Anna is that girl. Can’t you see the difference?

Anna: Mature, Classy, Intellectual, Deep

Crystal: Immature, Questionable morals, One-dimensional, Shallow

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The difference is clear. Right? I’m so happy for Hughie.

I decided to catch up with an expert in the field of True Love. She goes by the name “Ecarg”. She received her PhD from Loveshack University. And is super smart and qualified to be speaking on this topic. She is not (yet) married.

Grace: Thanks for taking the time to speak with me, Ecarg. Let’s get right to it. What can we learn about true love from Hugh Hefner?

Ecarg: No problem, Grace, it’s my pleasure. To answer your question, A LOT. A ridiculous amount. During my time at Loveshack University, which is an extremely prestigious establishment of higher learning, I took a class devoted to researching and analyzing the love life of Hefner. I think the best thing to be said about this man is that he NEVER gives up on love. How many times has he been married? A hundred times or so? If you want to find true love, you must be dedicated. And Hefner is certainly that.

Grace: Wow, interesting! Some say that Hefner is slightly old for the women he dates. Is that true?

Ecarg: Oh god, no. Hefner screams to this world: “True love has no boundaries!”. You see, that’s what Hefner does. He crosses boundaries that no human has ever crossed before, in the history of time. When it comes to true love, you need to have an open mind. And an open heart. Hefner is open to all SORTS of things when it comes to his ladies. Like, you have no idea.

Grace: Hmm, be open. Good advice. Now, how does Hefner show his woman that she’s his true love?

Ecarg: Grace, the thing that I love about Hefner is that he truly knows how to treat a woman. And make her feel special and…one-of-a-kind, really! Hefner has his playmates whom he routinely sees naked. He has no choice – it’s all part of being a successful businessman. But of his main dish, he pronounces to the world: this woman is different than the others. This is the woman that I am head-over-heels in love with. Do you know how that must make a woman feel? Full of worth. That’s what you have to do with your true love. Make them feel like the only one you want in a world full of thousands of other really attractive people.

Grace: You’re absolutely right. I’m already seeing this man in a whole new light. Do you think Hefner worries that he will…you know…croak…before he finds his one true love?

Ecarg: Hugh Hefner will not die.

Grace: Ever?

Ecarg: Hugh Hefner is not of the normal human variety. That’s right, he is…how should I put it…unclassified, at this point. You see, true love lasts forever. And so will Hugh.

Grace: Okay then. Fair enough. What do you think went wrong with Crystal?

Ecarg: Crystal claims that their marriage failed because of Hefner’s lifestyle, blah blah blah. What does she know? To be honest, I think it’s simply because she is much too blond for him.

Grace: I TOTALLY agree with you. Thanks so much for your insights.

~~~

So what have we learned here? When it comes to true love, you must never give up on it. You must always be determined to find it. You must have an open mind and open heart in order to find true love. Once you find your true love, make him or her feel as if they’re the only one in the world for you. And finally, true love lasts forever.

And just think, all this was learned because the intellectual community studied the life of Hugh Hefner in depth.

And you thought he was a womanizer. Pshh.

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