Presenting: my very own “Ridiculist”

Posted on June 21, 2011

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I was driving into work this morning with the radio on and heard a commercial that made me want to barf. The commercial started off with a man talking about how great the morning is – the sun and the birds chirping and all. This is not the part that made me want to barf, however. It turns out it was a Burger King commercial advertising that it now sells one of its super awesome burgers in the morning. BARF.

Okay, really? Really?! REALLY?!? (in the words of that hottie Seth Meyers…please tell me you’re an SNL fan). Anyway, who the hell would get a burger first thing in the morning? I just don’t get it. That’s disgusting. First of all, actual breakfast food is amazing – ya know, eggs and french toast and pancakes and bagels. Why the hell would you pass those things up for a burger?!?! And honestly, talk about unhealthy. But I swear, people will start buying burgers for breakfast. The King has us wrapped around his fat little finger.

If you aren’t aware, CNN’s Anderson Cooper does a nightly “Ridiculist” on his show, in which he devotes a few minutes to discuss something or someone completely ridiculous (for example, Sarah Palin has made it onto this list many a time). I have decided to do my own “Ridiculist” for today’s post. Since I’ve already gotten one rant out of the way, I’ll just briefly list things. Please note, though, that my Ridiculist will not be on par with Coop’s Ridiculist, for (as I’ve mentioned before) he is a man-god. And nobody can top him. Ever. In anything.

Okay! Here goes:

  1. People who wear shorts in single-degree weather
  2. People who wear sweatshirts in 80+ degree weather
  3. The fact that Weiner went to rehab for his sexting scandal. You don’t have a mental problem, you’re just a DICK! I mean, your name says it all!!!!
  4. Snuggies. I just…I still don’t get them.
  5. Bark Off. If you can’t stand your dog’s barking that much, then don’t have a dog. It’s that simple.
  6. Paris Hilton. I don’t understand what she’s famous for. Besides being filthy rich and going to jail.
  7. The recent marriage between 51 -year-old “Lost” star Doug Hutchison and 16-year-old country singer Courtney Stodden.
  8. Diet Soda. If you’re going to have soda, just have the real thing. If you’re truly on a diet, don’t drink soda at all.
  9. The fact that couple Justin Bieber and Selena Gomez went vacationing in Hawaii together. They’re like 12 years old. Go to the movies if you want to go on a nice date. Or the zoo or something.
  10. Short-sleeve sweatshirts. Maybe I have no fashion sense, but…I don’t know.
  11. Celebrities that pick stupid names for their children. Like Pilot Inspektor. Guess what? It’s not actually cool!!
  12. People with stupid priorities. Like the man who chose to get shot instead of handing his cell phone over to the man who was mugging him. Or the woman who wouldn’t let police break the window of her Audi to save her child who was locked in the car in 90-degree heat.
  13. Wearing a Halloween costume that consists of barely nothing and trying to pass it off as a nurse costume or a police woman costume or a cat costume, etc. Let me tell you, if I had a nurse who was wearing a mini skirt and fishnets and her bazoongas were hanging out, I’d be deeply concerned about the quality of my healthcare.
  14. Living in Massachusetts and being a Yankees fan (yeah, I actually know someone…)
  15. The NFL lockout
  16. Almost everything that escapes George Bush’s mouth
  17. People who take Bill O’Reilly seriously
  18. People who claim they don’t Facebook stalk. Come on. We all do it.
  19. Buying something healthy from the vending machine. That’s just…not the point.
  20. Getting relationship advice from Cosmo (check out my blog post on it – “I apologize to all you Cosmo lovers“)
  21. Everything about Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt.
  22. Viagra/Cialis commercials. Stop trying to make cutting up vegetables together look so sexual.
  23. The Secret Life of the American Teenager. Just stop, ABC Family, just stop it. Didn’t you learn your lesson from Kyle XY?
  24. “Chinese Buffets” that serve pizza and chicken wings and french fries.
  25. The man who called 911 because he was out of beer. Now don’t get me wrong. This is obviously an extremely pressing situation. But to call 911? That’s pushing it.

Have anything to add to the ridiculist? Comment below!

This world is just a nutty, nutty place, isn’t it? Jeepers, burgers for breakfast….still can’t get over it.

 

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Posted in: Fun