I apologize to all you Cosmo lovers

Posted on June 1, 2011


Sometimes we all want a good piece of relationship advice. Now, if you’re smart, you’d go to a source in which the author knows what he or she is talking about (a place like, I don’t know…this blog! hehe). But sometimes we seek out a source that really shouldn’t be giving any kind of advice, never mind relationship advice. A source like the magazine Cosmopolitan. Now Cosmo is good for some guilty pleasure reading, but please, never take it seriously. And if you don’t believe me, read this article: “7 Psychotic Pieces of Relationship Advice from Cosmo“, published on Cracked.com.

I suggest looking at the site in general. Cracked.com is full of funny articles that are extremely sarcastic and entertaining to read. You’ll certainly learn something, but you’ll get a good laugh too. This article, in particular, I found to be very good. It lists 7 different pieces of relationship advice that is straight from Cosmo and explains the reasoning behind it, given by the magazine. They are all utterly ridiculous. And how they found their way into Cosmo, I have no idea. But maybe I shouldn’t be all that surprised. Here they are:

  1. He Shares the Details of His Day, Therefore He Must Be Hiding Something
  2. If He Swallows While Talking, He’s Lying
  3. If He Wants More Sex From His Girl, He’s Cheating
  4. If He Starts Grooming Himself, He’s Cheating
  5. He’s Overly Protective of His Gadgets, He’s Hiding Something
  6. If He’s Happy, He’s Cheating
  7. If His Friends Don’t Talk to You, He Doesn’t Love You

….okay, so….

Ladies, if your man communicates with you, swallows his spit, is intimate, keeps himself clean, takes care of his expensive items, and is happy then you’ve got a serious issue on your hands. On the flip side, if he shuts you out, holds his spit in his mouth for as long as humanly possible, doesn’t want to touch you, never takes a shower, chucks his iPhone against the wall, and is depressed, then way to go! You’ve got what every woman dreams about.

Alright, you’ve GOT to be kidding me. To make things worse, Cosmo tells readers what they should do in each of these situations. For example, if he’s happy and not sweating the small stuff (and therefore cheating), then invite your friends over for a bonfire to burn all his clothes and prized possessions. THEN see if he gets angry about it. If he does, then you’re in the clear – he’s NOT cheating after all.

I honestly wish I were kidding. But this is truly the kind of advice Cosmo gives.

So what is my point in all of this? Well most obviously, NEVER take Cosmo seriously. But also, while it’s okay to get relationship advice from outside sources, ultimately the best source is your significant other. If you do think your boyfriend or girlfriend is hiding something or lying or cheating or doesn’t love you, just talk about it with him or her. If you’ve got someone who truly loves you, then he or she will make the effort to work things out. If your partner doesn’t take your feelings/worries seriously then chances are you’re not in a great relationship.

"Don't worry honey, I'll never lie to you ever again. Oh and by the way, I'm dumping you!"

Like I said, there’s nothing wrong with seeing what the experts say about relationships, but at the end of the day, the BEST person to go to is your boyfriend or girlfriend. Otherwise, every time your sweetie swallows, you’ll be giving him/her ex-lax brownies so there’s PLENTY of time on the toilet to think about all those lies that were told (again…NOT kidding).

Posted in: Relationships