Being in a relationship is pure bliss, right? You’ve always got that special someone who tells you how nice you look. You go on romantic dates. You laugh together and cry together. Whenever you’re around him or her you feel on top of the world, like nothing could go wrong. Relationships are perfect, right?
Well not always.
In fact, about 3-5% of people currently in adult relationships would disagree with what I said above. And about 12-20% of teens ages 13-18 in relationships would disagree as well. These are the percentages of people that are currently involved in abusive relationships, according to medicinenet.com
It’s scary how prevalent abusive relationships are, especially among young people.
I’m sure you’ve heard “Love the Way you Lie” by Eminem and Rihanna, which is about being in an abusive relationship. But you may not have heard “Love the Way you Lie – Part 2”, which in my opinion is the better version. It too deals with being in an abusive relationship. The lyrics are raw and honest, and paints a good picture of what this kind of relationship is like. Take a listen:
There are a few parts of the song that I think are important to highlight:
Now there’s gravel in our voices/Glass is shattered from the fight/In this tug of war, you’ll always win/Even when I’m right
Cause you feed me fables from your hand/With violent words and empty threats/And it’s sick that all these battles/Are what keeps me satisfied
Hush baby, speak softly, tell me you’re awfully sorry/That you pushed me into the coffee table last night
Baby, without you, I’m nothing, I’m so lost, hug me/Then tell me how ugly I am, but that you’ll always love me
These lyrics illustrate both the types of abuses that occur and the psychological mindset of the person being abused. There’s physical abuse, obviously. But the emotional abuse is just as bad. The abuser blames the other for all the problems in the relationship. For example, I’m distant because you don’t give me enough space. I lie because you’ll overreact if I tell the truth. I don’t open up to you because if I do you’ll use it against me. The abuser also gives excuses for bad behavior that paints themselves as a victim. For example, the reason I’m acting this way is because nobody loves me, I don’t have friends, I don’t like myself, etc. The abuser will also try to compensate for any bad behavior by simply saying, but I love you. The abuser makes the other feel less important than other things, because it keeps the other clawing for attention, and subsequently, weaker and dependent.
The victim of this type of psychological abuse constantly blames him or herself for all problems in the relationship, even if it’s apparent that it’s not their fault. The victim feels guilty about putting any blame on the abuser. He or she instead rationalizes the abusers actions. The victim shuts out anyone who tries to alert the victim to the abuse. The victim clings to any signs of love, and when any are given, they instantly forgive the abuser for all bad behavior. But possibly worst of all, the victim feels like they could not possibly do any better than their significant other. He or she may feel weak in the relationship, but the thought of not being in the relationship seems worse. It’s a dangerous entanglement of lies that traps the mind.
If you are in this type of situation, it’s crucial to realize that you deserve someone who treats you with respect. And if you don’t receive that from your significant other, than you’re truly better off without them. Even if they do say they love you. Even if there are times when things are really good. Even if there is a chance of things getting better. Whatever the reason may be, those are all just meaningless excuses. Stop thinking them. The instant you are disrespected, through physical or mental abuse, your significant other is not worthy of you. Never settle for someone who doesn’t treat you like an equal. Because there IS someone out there who will love you the way you should be loved, no matter what you may think.
A quote from the movie Juno says it best:
Look, in my opinion, the best thing you can do is find a person who loves you for exactly what you are. Good mood, bad mood, ugly, pretty, handsome, what have you, the right person is still going to think the sun shines out your ass. That’s the kind of person that’s worth sticking with.
And listen to what Ke$ha has to say about getting out of a bad
relationship in her song Blind.
Take it from me – a relationship CAN be bliss. But only if you truly believe in your heart that you deserve someone who loves you for
everything you are.